A few years ago I FOUND MY BEACH – LITERALLY – where I again found my voice in my journal entries – The DIVORCE PAPERS deserves a read, most likely not what you expect!
FROM MY BEACH Journal:
Today, October 27, 2025
I arrived back at my beach refuge last evening. One of my first activities was to empty all of HIS things from the closets, drawers, and cupboards. This was such a feeling of freedom! It’s not much, just a two bedroom condo, but this signified to me that this is truly MY home! Compared to the Pittsburgh opulence, this is my comfort space, just enough for myself to take care of. I walked along the beach this morning and discovered fish and some other sea creatures I could not identify, all along the shoreline, many coming to the surface (to eat?), and just a wonderful sight of fish leaping from the water – lots of fish! I learned that there were probably dolphins feeding and the fish were panicking. And sure enough, dolphins in the distance!
This reminded me of time in my marital relationship, often, just panicking about even the simplest things being perfect, or being “eaten alive” with the cruel comments and demeaning words. Then, HE would say something like “just relax, I do not know why you are so worried about the kitchen being in perfect order, you should just come and sit with me – can’t you figure out what I want?”
Nice thing is, I am DONE with that!
Watching the wildlife activity along the shore was, indeed, a pleasure! I began my morning listening to Natalie Hoffman, a bit, reflecting/praying, Pastor Jeff notes and book, walking the beach in perfect weather, now I am ready to tackle my only remaining challenge (well maybe not only, I am sure there are more to come) but I need a source of income to span the bridge between my meager Soc Sec income and my living expenses. I, fortunately, am very healthy so far, but the reality is I am entering my 70s and things can change without warning. I need to protect my savings and property value to take care of me when that happens.
Social Security and Retirement
Why is my Social Security income so small? I worked hard for most of my adult life. I was well educated and technically trained. After two years of technical school in the mid-1970s, I began working as a radiology technologist at a hospital and was promoted to a specialized unit within two years. After several more years there, and after completing my BA degree, I left that job to work “with” HIM in his high-end women’s outerwear business start-up .
That decision led to many years of working for HIM without a paycheck, which, in hindsight, meant no Social Security contributions or retirement benefits in my name. The business was successful, we were married, and I lived comfortably as our wealth grew. We moved into a larger home and started a family. I watched the business financial books closely, and after a few years I became increasingly concerned about the business decisions being made. We had conversations, of course, one-sided. Even when WE made decisions together, HE still did whatever HE wanted. The bank that held the business loan had been clear that HE was to stay with women’s merchandise. When he asked them to fund an expansion into oriental rugs, they refused—I cannot remember where that idea came from. Not to get sidetracked, but HE and his “girlfriend” (which I will address in another blog) left for a weekend and returned with a literal truckload of oriental rugs. We were in a small town—who was going to buy that many expensive rugs?
Not long afterward, after several missed payments, the bank foreclosed on the loan, and HE had no choice but to close the business. This had a devastating impact on HIS reputation in the community.
At that point, I returned to hospital work for the next seven years and made the house payments. During that time, I earned two promotions and salary increases, and those were the years when I contributed to Social Security. Meanwhile, HE went to school to become certified in managed healthcare.
HE and a partner started an insurance company to serve the rapidly growing managed-care Medicaid market, and he was receiving a salary. I was happy and confident in my career, but after many conversations in which HE “encouraged” me to quit—HE wore me down – saying we no longer needed my paycheck and that my work limited our flexibility to travel—I left my position. Subsequent blogs will explore the “whys” behind the decisions I made during this time. I did not think about the fact that I was leaving behind retirement benefit contributions. His insurance business venture, like many others to follow, eventually fell apart after angry splits with his partners. I continued to work for HIM in many capacities, but never for a paycheck. My compensation was the “LIFESTYLE” HE provided.
The main point of this blog is:
I unfortunately left myself with very little retirement savings!
However, I fortunately
do have assets—including DIVORCE PAPERS! Odd that I refer them as an asset!
About 20 years ago, HE handed me “DIVORCE PAPERS” and asked me to sign them, saying he did not want me to be responsible for the risks HE was taking in business ventures. As I had done with most papers, I signed without questioning his knowledge or reasoning. Can you believe it? I simply signed. From that point on, our tax returns were filed separately. Thinking back, I am not sure what HIS real intent was to be “Divorced” but I am now happy that I did sign.
One thing HE regrets is placing the Florida condo property in a Trust. I am sure HE did not consider that my daughter and I are the trustee and beneficiaries. Remember the RV–Florida condo story? I shared those details in the blog titled “Agreements, They Meant Nothing to HIM.”
Another thing HE likely regrets is that some savings were placed in my name only. Out of millions, this is the only asset remaining which is not collateralized.
As a result, I thankfully have no claim to HIS multimillion-dollar property or expensive cars. Rather, fortunately, I am not responsible for the debt HE took on to maintain the property, the car loans, the unpaid 2024 and 2025 property taxes, and more.
And HE has no claim to the paid-for Florida property or to the savings he had not spent before I took control. Once I realized how many years I had spent trying to appease HIM, something changed. I finally understand that these assets are not HIS.
If you are reading this and are in a similar situation, one of the many things I wish I had done differently was build a career of my own, separate from serving HIM. Because I spent so many years working with him without being on payroll, my Social Security and retirement income are now minimal.
