I finally walked out! Finally left the pretend life I lived for 50 years!
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HE claims that I left because I am psychotic, need meds, am experiencing dementia, ( I better get this written before I do lose my mind!), claims it must be because of the financial strain from his situation, that it is too much for me, and I have left him when I should (more than ever) be there supporting him.
Oh wait, it must be a boyfriend – yes that’s it – she’s leaving me for someone else.
And that person must be after MY wealth.
Wait, there are three of them – yes, she has three boyfriends – I will hire a hit man to take them out. If only I could figure out who they are?
I know. I’ll get a counselor. That will bring her back to her senses. There is no possible reason that she would leave ME… I have been so wonderful to her, I am better than anyone else she could ever find. She just does not appreciate what I have given her. She does not deserve ME!
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I made the decision to leave the life I lived for fifty years. The other “half” of this relationship has suggested various reasons for my departure, including concerns about my mental health, the impact of financial challenges associated with his circumstances, or attributing my actions to outside influences. He has implied that my leaving is due to personal relationships, alleged ulterior motives, or a purported lack of appreciation for his contributions. Furthermore, he has expressed that seeking professional counseling may change my perspective, maintaining the belief that there is no valid reason for my decision and reiterating his view of his superior value in the relationship.
I have maintained a journal and through my blog, I am sharing excerpts, my true stories and their associated feelings.
What happened after 50 years which prompted me to leave? It was not a single, recent incident. From the start (when we dated) things were not right. There was both physical and emotional abuse. I thought he was just spoiled.
After 50 years, I left a long relationship not because of a single incident, but due to ongoing issues that began early on. Both physical and emotional abuse were present from the start. I believed it was my responsibility to keep the peace, protect him, and maintain appearances, thinking I was lucky to be chosen by him.
My blog shares true stories from my journals and the insights I’ve gained, supplemented with helpful resources. The entries are not in chronological order. Though readers may piece together our identities, I no longer fear this revelation. My goal is not to harm him, but to inform or engage you based on your own experiences or simply, entertainment.
Stayed 50 years – saw no way out!
“Good women in destructive relationships stay stuck, not because they have no choices, but because they BELIEVE they have no choices. They have been programmed with all kinds of lies about themselves, about marriage, about friendship, about divorce, about men and women and how they are supposed to relate”
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When I left:
Many acquaintances, colleagues, and relatives questioned the decision to leave a lifestyle characterized by comfort, private jet travel, living on a substantial property and residence, as well as a relationship with a partner perceived as admirable and generous. Queries such as “Could you not find a way to resolve your differences?” or “You have been together for so long,” and “Both of you are our friends” are common. It is important to recognize that underlying circumstance exist, sometimes involving serious issues that are not readily visible to all.
There were things beneath the surface; some things terribly wrong and well hidden.
Certain individuals have a greater understanding due to their awareness of abusive components of the relationship not evident to others. These confidants, including siblings and a select group of close friends, received insights into personal experiences and emotions. Their responses to my leaving include remarks such as “I am surprised you remained in the relationship this long,” “Please let me know if I can assist,” and offers of support and accommodation.
There are also those who react with disbelief; they became aware that appearances were maintained for the sake of harmony, often concealing the unhappiness I experienced throughout my marriage. They began to learn that I had been “performing”, actually lying, for many years, just to keep peace, smooth things over, to protect the person who is harming me. They cannot believe that I was very unhappy for most of my “married” life with him. They remain unsure as to what has happened – could HE really have done these things? Sadly, my detailed accounts are based on actual characters and non-fiction events.
If readers recognize these accounts, and identify me, or see similarities with their own life, they will gain insight into the experience of living with narcissistic personality disorder -damaging coercive behavior.
My intent is not to hurt him, but rather enlighten and/or entertain you as a reader – depending on your life experiences.
