Once aware that I was, indeed, in a very toxic relationship, I struggled to understand how I could have remained there for 50 years. I received a video link from a long – time friend, yes, my friend that I shunned, the friend I later apologized to, the friend who kindly remained my true friend.
From this audio, I began to understand how my part in all of this happened.
Note: I do not depend on any of my resources / links as being an end-all source, but articles, podcasts, counselors, and many other resources have educated and inspired me. They help to tell my story. I do not compensate any of my resources as professionals. So, back to the blog:
I am, indeed, a Super Empath: The link below is a lengthy but spirited audio.
“Reasons empaths are easily preyed upon by narcissists for coercive control”
This article, link below, outlines the traits commonly associated with an empath and explains how these attributes may make individuals susceptible to coercive control. The content consists of a brief list, each item accompanied by a succinct paragraph offering a short explanation. While brief in terms of reading time, the subject matter is challenging for empaths who have experienced exploitation and have not yet realizing their situation.
Excerpts from the article:
- Empaths (E) offer unconditional empathy = emotional fuel for Narcissists (N)
- E have high tolerance for emotional pain = N thrive on drama and chaos, knowing the empath will stick around
- E are excellent listeners = feeds the N need for admiration and control
- E are natural peacemakers =feeling responsible to maintain the peace , walking on eggshells
- E are Givers, not Takers=the needs of others are above their own giving the N a sense of entitlement
- E are incredibly loyal=N seek unwavering support and attention, Empath excuses N behavior
- E are forgiving by nature=second chances, believing the N will change
MY personal stories and experiences for each of the 15 items in this article will take shape in my blogs. Problems become more expansive when the Super Empath, who has been under coercive control, is ready to break free.
15 Reasons Narcissists Prey On Empaths The Same Way Animal Predators Hunt
Pets – What do they have to do with this?
- I grew up absolutely loving animals, especially dogs.
- I had to leave the TV room when Lassie was on TV – I became distraught when she was in trouble.
- Relatives and friends had dogs with whom I loved interacting.
- This is a very typical, beneficial relationship
- When I began dating HIM, it became an issue if I “touched a dog or cat” – “how can you pay attention to, enjoy something so filthy”.
- This may seem trivial on the surface, but I became very careful not to interact with pets when HE was around, a beginning of altering many of my behaviors to maintain peace. It was never that I thought he was right, it was easier than the consequences.
- Our daughter became a boarded equine surgeon and HE described her as a very accomplished vet but “she does not touch animals” he would tell people. How ridiculous!
Choosing a person to marry who will be a life-long partner
This book is a delightful, short, easy, life lesson read, but one section hit home!!
“there is a wonderful filter most of us possess that allows us to determine if a young man or woman is suitable as a potential life partner.” “Your friends” … nothing filters the true person like friends … what you are interested in is whether or not she (he) likes your friends! Now assuming that you hang with good people, wise friends, does she (he) encourage your participation in activities with your friends? Does she (he) enjoy being part of that group? Does she (he) fit in? Or does she (he) try to keep you away from your friends? Does she (he) want to keep you alone, with her (him) all the time?”
- HE controlled my relationships with others. I gave up one of the best friends I ever had because HE believed her to be a bad influence – in reality, he wanted all of me.
- After so many times that I turned away her invites to do some of the activities we had done for years, even turned down time just to hang out, she did give up.
- She never stopped being kind to me, never became angry with me, we just parted ways quietly, slowly, went our separate ways.
Additional thought:
“Her entire life was about him, him, him. She couldn’t concentrate on much of anything else. Who she was and what she loved were lost somewhere in her past, and she couldn’t remember who that person was, anymore.” (Source unknown)
“How Narcissists choose their next victim”
How Narcissists Choose Their Next Victim
